Florida Men Part I

An update on my love life.

One morning I was walking Gyps past a really tall condo building when I glanced up to see a pushing-80-year-old on one of the top balconies waving. I waved back and we kept walking. Glancing over again, I see he is not so much waving as he is flagging me down. “Want to go to breakfast?!” he shouts. “No, thanks, but have a good morning!” I reply. “Want to go to breakfast?!” he shouts again, not taking no for an answer. “Nope, but thank you!” I say, a bit louder in case he didn’t hear me the first time (happens a lot, tbh). “Meet me at Country Boy! I’m coming down! Don’t move!” he wails. I’ve been to Country Boy, it is pretty good, but something was telling me the juice wasn’t gonna be worth the squeeze.

I know a lot of you (mostly my married friends) have thought to yourself, Alison, aren’t you lonely? Don’t you want a partner? And I know a lot of you (especially my married friends) have heard my monologue on men as an unevolved species* and the reality of the options when you’re in your mid-40s, so I will spare you today at least.

*except for the elite few of course, you know who you are

My personal disinterest aside, there have been a few unsavory characters that might have deserved a second look. Here are some guys I saw on my last Causeway run:

no belly button, but I’m listening…

could signal emotional mindfulness if we’re reaching

Now let’s pause on this next one so you can fully appreciate what you are looking at. This man (who I’ve seen before) is outside his white van in a G-String. The first picture suggests he’s putting on sunscreen or perhaps tanning oil spray. But if we zoom in on the second shot, we see it is in fact not a sunscreen bottle, but an electric razor. He is shaving his armpits body.

Because it’s Superbowl Sunday, the last two studs are for my Paids only. Ain’t nothin’ free when you’re looking for love.